27th Birthday 2019

I feel a little emotional today because today is my last birthday as an unmarried person. I feel like a bit scared to move on. I just wanna stay now. Because whatever that comes in the future is pretty scary. As I age, my parents will also age. And that's scary too. I also will miss the freedom I have. Waking up alone in my bed, during my birthday. Knowing that I'm free to do anything I want. Is this normal? I don't know.

All I can do now is to surrender my future into God's hands. Because it is just too scary. Like how Corrie's father said to her. God will pass the heavier luggage to me only when the time comes. For then, I would be able to handle it already. I'm grateful that I know Jesus. The only constant thing in my life.

Today I wanted to go to cell group because I want to start my 27th year with God's fellowship people. But I feel like I would be awkward there as there will be celebration for Lene's birthday. Plus, I don't really know these people and don't really feel comfortable with them. Perhaps I'm just self conscious. I don't like to be around too many people that I don't know.

Yesterday night too, I fought with Yang because he didn't wish me at 12. I don't know whether it is a petty thing...I guess it is.. but it just means a lot to me if he does that. And I've told him before last time. So that hurted me.

However I don't want to..

[Edit: It's 16 December now. These things about 12 am seem a bit trivial now.. and I'm also letting go of my insecurity around people in cell group. I just wanna be freed in it. So I'll look to God :)]

Today is also the day mum and dad went to Japan!

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